Bare with me a moment as I do a little soul cleansing and vent out some things that get on my last nerve (tomorrow I’ll post of list of things I find encouraging):

1.  Tailgaters.  You are the scourge of the earth and Satan’s minions.  Turn or burn.

2.  Flip-flops.  If you’re too lazy to pick up your feet when you walk, don’t buy them, you can’t handle them, and that sound reveals you as the scourge of the earth and you, too, are among Satan’s minions.

3.  Low rise jeans/thong combo.  Plumbers butt is plumbers butt no matter who’s sporting it.  And I’ve recently returned from a couple of trips to Manhattan during which I saw too many grandmothers wearing this combo.  Just stop it.  Please stop picking things up, too.  I turned a corner at FAO Schwartz and was greeted by a view of what I could only imagine was a naked Rodney Dangerfield wrestling with a Spandex wearing Andy Dick…turned out to be one of those grandmothers picking up her grandchild.  Not good.

4.  The Nextel chirp.  May these wretched phones burn a thousand years as fuel for the fires of hell, and may their users be cursed to watch 500 years of the Tony Danza Show as punishment for using them in the checkout line at the grocery store.

5.  “I know that’s what Jesus said, but I think we should…”  Insert whatever there, this drives me batty.  If you’re belief on X requires negating Jesus’ words and you’ve got the chutzpah to do so, your pride is at an all new high.  Get over yourself.

6.  “We’re marketing Jesus.”  No, we are not.  We’re to be imitating Christ, not “selling” him.  If you struggle to understand the difference, I’m not sure I can help you (unless you think that slapping you upside the head would help–which would only insure I wouldn’t be imitating him, so I won’t).

7.  The Tony Danza Show.  Who’s idea was this?

8.  Bad coffee.  I’ve had my share lately, I don’t know what’s going on.  Is there a bean switching conspiracy?  Have my taste buds gone wacky?  Why can’t I find good coffee all of a sudden?

9.  Automated payments that don’t come out when they are supposed to.  I’ve been victim three times to automated payments that mysteriously quit, causing all sorts of problems; and from what I’m hearing I’m definitely not alone.

10.  Irresponsible renters who skip town after running up tremendous repair bills and unpaid bills.

–I reserve the right to add to this list as the day goes on…

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8 Responses to

  1. I can say “yes” to every single item on this list.

  2. Oh, and the Tony Danza Show…

    …it must have been brought to you from the makers of the Chevy Chase Show and the Tyra Banks Show…

  3. James says:

    Ha! No kidding. Every time I see the “Tyra” show in the program guide I wonder in amazement that it’s still on the air. Like, seriously.

  4. MommyHAM says:

    I don’t have any real estate, other than the family domicile, but having been a vouchered housing coordinator (i.e. Section 8) who had clients do just that, I can officially say yes to ALL.

    And, add that low rise jeans, thong or no thong, are just WRONG! Even the skinny gals who pour themselves into a size too small have the infamous muffin tops

  5. mommyham says:

    One more for the list, witnessed tonight at Red Robin:

    Black bras/thongs with thin white clothing – I know what the point is, looking absolutely trashy – so is it bad that I secretly wish these women will wash their zebra combos together in hot water, thus resulting in a nice neutral grey? bwahahaha….

  6. James says:

    My hope is that someone shows their grandkids the pictures. That’ll be worse than looking back at a beehive, for sure!

  7. MommyHAM says:

    hey, that smiley is supposed to be an 8 ) , as in it was the end of my parenthetical phrase, and happened to be with the #8 – Section 8 housing…

  8. the babona says:

    i somehow stumbled across this and i couldn’t agree more. i don’t know who you are, but i like the wat you think!!
    here’s one:
    how about people who say “i was just about to say that!”
    after virtually every statement you make. now either i’m an unrecognized mind reader of kreskin-type proportions, or you’re really trying hard to fit in. the latter, i believe, rings more true.

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